Believe me, this simply does not happen without acceptance and acknowledgment. I’ve seen a number of situations where a teenager will seek out a parent for help when he’s struggling. Now, your acknowledgment and acceptance may not mean he is jazzed to sit down with you and entertain a serious talk about grades, but you never know. You need to respect his boundaries and show that you believe in his ability to master his world. In order to have a relationship with your teen, in order to have influence in his life, you need to acknowledge, accept, and challenge him. “Good enough” is a starting point, not an ending point. You need to know that you can decide, right now, before you finish this paragraph, that from here forward, your child will always be good enough in your eyes. If this scenario resonates with you, consider a life with your teenager that is peaceful, where you choose not to judge her, where you support and accept and love her. We judge them, and the clear message they receive, far too often, is “You’re not good enough.” I work with many a parent who will present a laundry list of changes a teenager needs to make to graduate to the “good enough” category. Too often, we expect our children to be different than they choose to be. The challenge for you is to acknowledge and accept your children right now, where they are. Excerpt from "The Available Parent: Radical Optimism for Raising Teens and Tweens"
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